My Journey To Grace
The Past: Facing The World’s Judgment
My struggle, the lack of peace or the search for love because of my protection mode.
Living in a world riddled with sin often feels like being in a courtroom. Where you are “guilty until proven innocent”. I have learned firsthand how heavy that burden can be:
- The Weight of Choices: There is often a stigma that if you just made better choices. You wouldn’t be in “this type of situation”.
- Guilt by Association: Sometimes, just being around the wrong people can lead to being judged or influenced. In ways you didn’t intend.
- The Vulnerability of Truth: It’s easy to feel exposed when others watch and listen to hearsay rather than facts.
The Past: A Foundation of Uncertainty
My early life was marked by both traditional roles and unexpected trauma that shaped how I viewed the world and God:
- Childhood Trauma: At age seven, I experienced the horrific reality of being molested by a neighbor. An event that stole my sense of safety early on.
- Family Shifts: As my younger siblings arrived, our family faced deep uncertainty. Particularly about my youngest sibling’s health.
- Suppressed Emotions: I grew up in an environment where I wasn’t allowed to show my emotions. Told to stop crying.
- The Missing Piece: Because of these experiences, I never truly understood what unconditional love was. I often felt that God simply wasn’t there during the hard times.
The Meeting – The Turning Point
How I met Jesus on the car ride. My friend’s invitation.
Think about it: Do you find it easy to trust others? Has life taught you to keep your thoughts to yourself until you’ve prayed about them?
My unmet needs were manifesting as sarcasm and defensiveness., Leading me into toxic relationships and a constant state of “protection mode”. I tried to run, but He continued to pursue me.
The breakthrough finally came in the most ordinary of places:
- The Setting: I was in a friend’s car, returning from a church service she had invited me to attend.
- The Breaking Point: As I began to vent about the struggles. In my marriage and the weight of my life before that, I finally broke down. For someone who had been told her whole life to “stop crying.” This release of emotion was a significant step of vulnerability.
- The Encounter: In that moment of weeping, I felt physical chills running through my body. It was an unmistakable experience of His presence.
- The Response: When faced with His grace in that car, I couldn’t run anymore. My response was a simple, “Yes, I accept Him into my life”.
Connecting to Scripture
In Acts 22:6-13, which tells the story of Paul’s dramatic encounter with a great light on the road to Damascus. Just as Paul asked, “What should I do, Lord?”, my”Yes” in the car was my way of asking for new direction.
The bridge was forming yet I was crumbling. . I started putting up walls. The walls that continued to divide the situation at hand. What I should have been feeling but, didn’t know how to express. I would become more defensive and rebellious.
My unmet needs were manifesting in ways in and out of my control. I started venting with sarcasm. Yet, this was not getting me anywhere my relationships were becoming more and more toxic.
Then, He stepped in, I would run, and run as fast as I was able. Yet, he kept pursuing me through many other encounters. I was so guarded, in protection mode.
Discussion Question:
How do you process your own walls?
Think about it: The bridge was forming even as I was crumbling. Have you ever felt God pursuing you even when you were trying your hardest to run away?
Life Now: A New Foundation
The after; the peace, the hope and how I handle trials differently.
After my encounter with Jesus, my life didn’t suddenly become perfect, but my foundation changed. I finally surrendered what I had been fighting my entire life.
- Restructuring Through Grace: My life is currently being restructured by the one I call the “chain breaker”. I now see that change is a process, and Jesus is the one doing the work in me.
- A New Identity: I am no longer defined by my past trauma or the opinions of others. I am a daughter of God and a “mighty warrior” created for His specific purpose.
- Handling Trials Differently: While trials still come, my motivation has shifted. I am not the hero of my own story; Jesus is. My goal now is simply to bring glory to the grace He has so freely given me.
Connecting to Paul’s Journey
Just as Paul’s life was transformed from a persecutor to a messenger.My life has been transformed from a place of defensiveness to a place of hope. In Acts 22:12-13, Paul describes regaining his sight through Ananias. For me, accepting Christ was my “regaining sight” moment.Finally seeing myself through His eyes of unconditional love instead of the world’s judgment.
Final Call to Action
It’s time to take your own step of faith:
Your Turn: Do you want to accept Christ into your life today? If you are ready to stop running and start resting in His grace.You can reach out or simply say “Yes” to Him right where you are. If so, repeat after me.
My perfect foundation has been set. This is where my restructuring took place and continues to take place.
Change is never easy, the past trials changed. Motivation kicked in. He is my reason for my seasons. It’s what Jesus has done, is doing and continues doing in my life. I’m not the hero of my story, Jesus is. My story is to bring glory to the grace He has given me.
I finally surrendered to what I had been fighting with all my life. I am His daughter, a mighty warrior that He created for His purpose! All credit to Him for all that He does for us sinners.
but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you. 1 Peter 3:15. CSB
Yet do this with gentleness and reverence, keeping a clear conscience, so that when you are accused, those who disparage your good conduct in Christ will be put to shame. 1 Peter 3:16
The Christian’s Story is about our relationship with Jesus, His grace and truth in our lives. Telling your story involves explaining why you have Hope and to live a life of confidence. Our story is meant to be offered as an Unconditional gift for relationships.
“Brothers and fathers, listen now to my defense before you.” Acts 22:1
When they heard that he was addressing them in Aramaic, they became even quieter. Acts 22:2
He continued, “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia but brought up in this city, educated at the feet of Gamaliel according to the strictness of our ancestral law. I was zealous for God, just as all of you are today. Acts 22:3
When mankind began to multiply on the earth and daughters were born to them, Genesis 6:1
the sons of God saw that the daughters of mankind were beautiful, and they took any they chose as wives for themselves. Genesis 6:2
I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison, as the high priest and all the councils can themselves testify. I even obtained letters from them to their associates in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished. Acts 22:4-5
Testimony
Paul’s Testimony
“As I was traveling and approaching Damascus, about noon an intense light from heaven suddenly flashed around me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? Who are you, Lord? I asked. And the voice replied, I am Jesus the Nazareth, the one you are persecuting. The people with me saw the light but didn’t understand the voice speaking to me. I asked, What should I do, Lord? And the Lord said to me, Get up and go into Damascus. There, you will be told everything you need to do. I was blinded by the intense light and had to be led by the hand to Damascus by my companions. A man named Ananias lived there. He was a godly man, deeply devoted to the law, and well regarded by all the Jews of Damascus. He came and stood beside me and said, Brother Saul, regain your sight. And that very moment I could see him. Acts 22:6-13
My Reason For Hope
Looking back at the trials of my past the moments where I felt ashamed, guilty, and alone. I now see them through a different lens. For a long time, I didn’t understand what unconditional love looked like. But through Jesus, the “chain breaker,” I have found a perfect foundation that continues to restructure my life every day. I am no longer defined by the uncertainty of my past or the opinions of others. But by my identity as His daughter—a mighty warrior created for His purpose. As it says in 1 Peter 3:15, I am ready to give a defense. For the hope that is in me. Not because I am the hero of this story. But because of the overwhelming grace Jesus has given me. My prayer is that by sharing this, you see that His pursuit of you. Is just as relentless as His pursuit of me.
Have you ever had something like this happen to you?
