Life
Life is full of challenges and sometimes we will meet those challenges in life successfully.
Sometimes challenges can block our way and it may become one of those costly “learning experiences” that adults (our parents) are always talking to us about.
Many challenges start when we are in school. These challenges can be our own, or they can be challenges that are out of our control and make it difficult to want to go to school.
- Adjusting to a new school
- Classes we don’t want to take
- Making friends – We pray for our children that they will pick their friends wisely
- Peer pressure can be positive or negative
- Attitudes of others
The Adolescent Years
The adolescent years should be full of joy instead of condemnation. Because of all these challenges, parents need to be able to support their child(ren) while at the same time allowing them to take on more responsibility.
Our children need guidance but, they must also need to make their own decisions. Sometimes those decisions will have consequences because of their behavior. When a child(ren) starts to distance themselves from the parent. The parent must learn how to keep the lines of communication open so their children can come to the parent for support and encouragement.
Adolescence is all about changes, what do those changes look like?
- Physical,
- Mental,
- Emotional,
- Social,
- Sexual, and
- Spiritual
Wrestling With The Past
Understanding what it means to be “wrestling with the past is important. ”Forgetting what is behind, us means we no longer allow the past to affect us in moving forward.
Self-Worth
Where are you able to find joy or self-worth in your spiritual life;
- Family – raise a child(ren) in a family with morals, and
- Faith – we must accept Christ in our life
Achievements
In what ways are you able to build upon your achievements?
- volunteering,
- having some for of success in a ministry,
- obtaining knowledge from the bible, and
- overcoming sin.
Sometimes we look to our past successes as a source of happiness and a way to feel good about ourselves. Instead of being thankful for how the Lord has helped us and worked through us, we begin to look for joy and self-worth in what we have done or where we have come from.
Offender
It is impossible to go through life without being hurt in some way by the choices and actions of others.
Sometimes the pain we feel from past events can linger into the present, affecting the way we feel about ourselves, others, and the Lord.
Mistake Challenges
Sometimes it seems like we will never live down the mistakes of our past. Our sins seem too large or we think we have exhausted God’s forgiveness. Because of the past, we see ourselves as failures, unworthy of grace.
Covered
Covered throughout my life. God leads, directs, guides, provides, and covers all the bases in our lives. Covers your past, present, and future, He covers your past with forgiveness and healing. God covers your present with grace and God covers your future with promise and provision. Throughout the Bible, we read about how God continuously covers his children when we follow his will, word, and way. The way God implements covering for us is remarkable.
God deserves all the glory and praise for creating us and covering each area of our lives, no matter how big or how small you perceive your issues to be. God covers all!
When you face any situation that seems hopeless remember that God covered your bases before you were born. God has covered you and is taking you through the journey of life that he predestined for you with every tool you need for success.
Don’t worry, Don’t fret, when you feel discouraged remember God has not only covered you with promise and provision but he has also covered you with encouragement and love by and through his word!
Praise the LORD for covering your bases!
Days may appear mundane or difficult in your life but be mindful that God has covered your bases. He’s got it all under control and is working everything out for your good.
Your situation is not a surprise; God comes through in covering you!
How Parents Can Help
Our children’s challenges in life and how parents can help their children,
Life is a series of transitions, and for children—especially during the adolescent years—these challenges can feel overwhelming. As a parent, your role evolves from a manager who “fixes” things to a coach who guides them toward independence.
Below are common challenges children face and strategies for how you can support them through these hurdles.
Common Challenges Children Face
- Academic Pressure: Struggling with difficult subjects or feeling the weight of high expectations.
- Social Dynamics: Navigating peer pressure, friendship shifts, and the desire for social acceptance.
- Emotional & Physical Changes: Managing the mood swings and self-consciousness that come with puberty and brain development.
- Major Life Transitions: Adjusting to new schools, family changes like divorce, or moving to a new city.
How Parents Can Help
1. Foster Open Communication
Create a “safe harbor” where your child feels they can share anything without immediate judgment.
- Active Listening: Give them your full attention by putting away electronics and listening without interrupting.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of “How was school?”, try “What was the best part of your day?” to encourage more detailed sharing.
- Validate, Don’t Dismiss: Avoid saying “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, say “I can see why that made you feel frustrated.”
2. Build Resilience and Problem-Solving
Instead of shielding children from every struggle, help them develop the tools to handle them.
- Focus on Effort: Praise their persistence (“I’m proud of how hard you studied”) rather than just the final grade.
- Guide, Don’t Solve: When they face a problem, ask, “What do you think a good next step would be?” This empowers them to own the solution.
- Normalize Mistakes: Share your own failures to show that setbacks are a natural part of growth, not a reason for shame.
3. Provide Stability and Boundaries
Even as they seek independence, children need a consistent foundation.
- Maintain Routines: Predictable schedules for sleep and meals provide a sense of security during stressful times.
- Set Clear Expectations: Establish fair boundaries regarding social media, screen time, and behavior, explaining the “why” behind the rules.
- Model Healthy Coping: Let them see you manage your own stress in healthy ways, like going for a walk or practicing deep breathing.
4. Support Emotional Regulation
Help them navigate the “big feelings” of adolescence.
- Identify Emotions: Help them label what they are feeling (e.g., anxious, overwhelmed, or lonely) to make it feel more manageable.
- Teach “Mood Busters”: Create a list of activities they can do when feeling low, such as listening to music or spending time with a pet.
Note: If your child’s mood changes are drastic or long-lasting (lasting more than two weeks), it may be time to seek support from a professional counselor or healthcare provider.
In life, challenges can serve as significant “learning experiences,” often beginning during school years when children face both personal and external hurdles.
Common Challenges for Children
- School Transitions: Adjusting to a new school environment or being required to take unwanted classes.
- Social Pressures: Navigating peer pressure, managing the attitudes of others, and learning to choose friends wisely.
- Adolescent Changes: Dealing with rapid shifts across physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual dimensions.
- Past Mistakes: Struggling with feelings of failure or the lingering pain from past events and the choices of others.
How Parents Can Help
- Maintain Open Communication: When children begin to distance themselves, parents must work to keep lines of communication open to provide constant support and encouragement.
- Balance Guidance and Independence: Parents should offer guidance while allowing children to make their own decisions, even if those decisions carry consequences.
- Foster Responsibility: Support your children by encouraging them to take on more responsibility as they grow.
- Provide Spiritual Foundations: Help children find self-worth through faith and family morals, emphasizing that God’s grace covers past mistakes and provides for the future.
- Celebrate Achievements: Encourage children to build on their successes, whether through volunteering, ministry, or personal growth.
It’s wonderful that you’re focusing on grace. Moving a child from a place of “unworthy failure” to one of “hopeful forgiveness” is a powerful way to strengthen your bond.
Talking About Mistakes with Grace and Forgiveness
The Goal: To help your child understand that their value is not tied to their performance or their past, but to who they are and how they are loved.
- Acknowledge the Weight: Start by recognizing that they might feel like they can “never live down” a mistake or that they are a “failure”. Use phrases like, “It’s okay to feel upset about what happened, but I want you to know that this mistake doesn’t define who you are.”
- Introduce the Concept of “Covering”: Explain that just as God “covers” our past with forgiveness and healing, your home is a place where they are also covered. You might say, “In this family, we don’t just look at what went wrong; we look at how we can heal and move forward together.”
- Shift the Focus to the Future: Remind them that God covers the future with “promise and provision”. Help them see the mistake as one of those “costly learning experiences” that provides tools for future success rather than a permanent roadblock.
- Offer Reassurance of Worth: Reiterate that they are never “unworthy of grace”. Explicitly state, “There is nothing you could do that would make me—or God—love you any less. We are here to help you through the consequences and the growth.”
Moving Forward
Once the conversation has happened, you can help them “build upon their achievements” by:
- Finding a small way to volunteer or help others, which helps rebuild a sense of self-worth.
- Setting a small, attainable goal to replace the focus on the past mistake with a fresh success.
That sounds like a great idea. Collaborating on a “Family Values” worksheet can help turn these concepts into a tangible guide for your household.
Family Values Worksheet: Growing Through Challenges Together
1. Our “Safe Harbor” Communication
- The Goal: To keep lines of communication open so you always feel supported.
- Question for the Child: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, what is one thing I can do to make it easier for you to come to me?
- Family Commitment: We promise to listen with encouragement rather than condemnation during the adolescent years.
2. Navigating Choices & Consequences
- The Goal: To balance guidance with the independence to make your own decisions.
- Activity: List one area where you’d like to take on more responsibility this month.
- Family Commitment: We will provide guidance while respecting your choices, even when they have natural consequences.
3. The Grace Clause
- The Goal: To remember that no mistake makes you “unworthy of grace”.
- Reflection: Write down one thing from the past you want to “forget” so you can move forward.
- Family Commitment: We believe God covers your past with forgiveness and your future with promise; we will do the same.
4. Building on Our Achievements
- The Goal: To find joy and self-worth in positive actions.
- Brainstorm: What is one way we can volunteer or serve others together this season?
- Family Commitment: we will celebrate your successes and help you obtain knowledge that builds your faith.
Building a routine around “Daily Reminders of Grace” can help shift the family atmosphere from one of pressure to one of peace.
Daily Reminders of Grace
- Today is a New Slate: Remember that God covers your past with forgiveness and healing, so you don’t have to carry yesterday’s mistakes into today.
- You Are Covered: No matter how mundane or difficult the day feels, God is in control and working everything out for your good.
- Focus on the “Joy of the Journey”: Adolescent years should be a time of joy rather than condemnation.
- Mistakes are Lessons, Not Identities: A “costly learning experience” is just a tool for future success, not a sign that you are a failure.
- You are Never Unworthy: There is no mistake too large for grace; you are always worthy of love and a fresh start.
- Look Forward with Hope: Your future is covered with promise and provision, so you don’t need to fret about what’s coming next.
When a child faces difficult mistakes, it can be a defining moment for your relationship. This response guide focuses on providing a safe, grace-filled environment where they can learn and heal.
A Parent’s Guide to Grace-Based Responses
1. The “Pause and Listen” Phase
- The Goal: To keep the lines of communication open so they feel they can come to you for support and encouragement.
- What to do: Take a deep breath to manage your own reaction. Let them tell the whole story without interrupting.
- What to say: “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m listening.”
2. The “Grace and Validation” Phase
- The Goal: To reassure them that they are not “unworthy of grace” or a permanent failure because of a mistake.
- What to do: Acknowledge that life involves “costly learning experiences” and that this situation is one of them.
- What to say: “I can see you’re hurting. Everyone makes mistakes, and while this is hard, it doesn’t change your value or how much I love you.”
3. The “Moving Forward” Phase
- The Goal: To guide them in making their own decisions while providing the tools they need for success.
- What to do: Discuss the consequences of their behavior together and brainstorm how to move forward with a “new slate”.
- What to say: “We can’t change the past, but we can decide what to do next. What is one thing we can do today to start making things right?”
4. The “Restoration” Phase
- The Goal: To remind them that God covers their past with forgiveness and their future with promise.
- What to do: Encourage them to “forget what is behind” and focus on building upon their achievements and self-worth.
- What to say: “This mistake is behind us now. Let’s focus on the good things you are doing and trust that everything is being worked out for your good”.
Grace-Based Affirmations for Your Child
- You are not your mistakes: Your value is built on who you are, not on the “costly learning experiences” you encounter.
- Today is a fresh start: God covers your past with forgiveness and healing, so you can let go of what is behind you.
- You are never unworthy of grace: No challenge or behavior makes you unworthy of love and a new beginning.
- You have the tools for success: You are predestined for a meaningful journey, and every challenge is just part of obtaining the knowledge you need.
- Your future is secure: You don’t need to fret because your future is covered with promise and provision.
- You are supported: My door is always open for support and encouragement, no matter what you are wrestling with.
- Your growth is worth celebrating: We will focus on your achievements and the ways the Lord is working through you.
